El Niño Humor

So I've been dying to post this image from Pinterest for weeks but had been waiting for consistently cooler weather:

 

But since it looks like that's not going to happen this winter (thanks El Niño), I figured I'd post it anyway for a good laugh. 

Orange You Glad You're Not a Pumpkin?!?

 

Here's a funny story for ya...sometime in August, with visions of pumpkin-lined steps leading up to my front porch, the kids and I planted two flats of pumpkin seeds. None germinated. However, a stray seed ended up in my compost, and voila, a few months later I have a thriving pumpkin vine.

 

 I doubt the pumpkins will be large enough to decorate with before the season is over so I still won't have the pumpkin-lined steps. Still, this made for a great laugh. Ain't life grand?

Lawn Enthusiasts

I'll be the first to admit, I don't care much for lawns. Sure, I'm grateful my husband keeps ours mowed and moderately green but for the most part, I think it's wasted flowerbed space. So it was with quite a bit of humor that I discovered my neighbor winterizing his lawn by hand...during a torrential downpour.

I suppose he's saving himself a step since most fertilizers require a good watering to work. Still, that's some A+ dedication right there. You go guy!

Master Gardener Humor

Top 10 Ways that your neighbors know that you are a Master Gardener:

10. You have the Horticultural Hotline number on your speed-dial.
9. When attending your children's soccer game, you check for crabgrass.
8. You'd turn down a job transfer to a city with a shorter growing season.
7. You know the precise botanical name of every plant in your yard, but have difficulty remembering the names of your spouse and children.
6. You buy beer for slugs.
5. Your children's hair has been clipped into topiary forms.
4. At parties, you've been overheard discussing the pros and cons of sterilizing garden soil in your oven.
3. You enjoy receiving a load of well-rotted manure for a special occasion.
2. Your bumper sticker reads: "I brake for worms," "I'd rather be weeding," or "Have you hugged your cactus today?"
1. You're disappointed to learn that you can't order vegetable seeds from L. L. Bean.

Number 3 is especially funny, because I was over the moon when a friend of mine gave me a 5-gallon bucket of worm casings. My husband however couldn't be less interested when I called him at work to share my good news.

Pike County Master Gardener October Meeting 2011

For this month's Master Gardener meeting, we invited Jason Powell from Petals From the Past to speak on the virtues of antique plants. As usual, he was fantastic. There was a great turnout. I was so proud of my little group. And of course Jason brought goodies for us to purchase. In typical fashion, there was a minor scuffle over an antique rose. Only this time it involved one determined lady in a wheelchair...who won out. Great start to the new fiscal year!

As an aside, I talked to him about my soil pH and trouble with berries. He recommended digging everything up (this I anticipated and have already started doing so - seems my MG classes are paying dividends already) and potting them in store-bought potting mix while I amend the beds. This should help them recover faster as adjusting soil pH is a long process. Oy!

God and St. Francis Discuss Lawns

Here is a joke we shared in MG class. When I showed it to the DH last night, he could not stop laughing. We ARE Suburbanites!

GOD AND ST. FRANCIS DISCUSSING LAWNS

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's tempermental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

http://www.comptechdoc.org/humor/garden/